So, Soccer......what's up with that?

So every nation north, south, east, and west of North America is blowing a vuvuzela right now. The game that everyone but us “New Worlds” calls football completely consumes this planet. And unlike Canadians' quad-annual interest in its impoverished biathletes, “the beautiful game” is the obsession of the globe’s 193 other nations every minute of every day of all three years between the incredible spectacle of World Cup. I have made the odd fleeting attempt to get into the game in the past but each time other interests stole my attention. However, I can’t say that it was because I didn’t enjoy the time I did spend watching soccer. It was just the wrong sport at the wrong time. But this time things will be different. I am going to “engage” in the frenzy - and I’m going to take you along for the ride. Because here’s the deal: I’m a self-proclaimed sports nut and how can a sports nut not know anything about the world's most "beautiful" sport? I can sit down and confidently carry my weight during any conversation about North America’s traditional sports. Basketball? Forget it, I’ll kick your ass. Hockey? I never played it but I listen to sports talk radio in Ottawa and let me just say they use the word “sports” in “sports talk” liberally. It's a hockey station – plain and simple. This includes 30 minutes of Pierre McGuire every morning from 8:00 – 8:30. Ironically my morning commute is 30 minutes starting at 8am. You get the point. Baseball? Got it covered. MMA? I don’t watch it regularly but I follow, and enjoy, the "sports opera" of it all. Football? I think the CFL is a joke and spend Monday nights at the local pub enjoying the theatre of the National Football (they don't even use their foot) League. Golf? It's simple: Tiger's a skank. NASCAR? Okay, I don't quite get this one but I don't believe in god and have attended university so cut me some slack.

Quite simply I love the field of competition and I think it's about time I include the world's most popular sport in my lexicon.

So what is my strategy to, at the age of 37, add footy to my ever growing list of sporting interests? Well, true to my nickname, "All or Nothing", I have taken a head-first plunge into all things soccer, ahem, football. Here goes:
1. Come Autumn, I have decided to identify Saturday mornings as my "daddy time" (defined as 3-4 hours where daddy gets to do whatever the hell he wants free of daddy-like commitments) when English Premier League starts. Yep, I will be sporting my team's colours (read on) and walking down to the local pub on Saturday mornings to meet some new friends and imerse myself in British football culture. I plan on going alone so as to be forced to strike up conversations with the fanatics that I see lined up there every Saturday morning wearing those tattered old soccer scarfs. Which leads me to....
2. I have chosen a team and bought the garb. Yep, my nickname is well deserved. Prior to watching a single match, I have decided that the Arsenal Gunners will be my team. What is this based on? Well, if I am to be honest, I have used a technique employed by women every March during NCAA March Madness office pools: I have chosen the team with the coolest name and "outfits" (referred to as "kits" for those of us who know anything about football). Yep, the Arsenal Gunners. Tell me that isn't the coolest name you have ever heard. And check out their logo:

A fucking canon. Love it. Oh, and by the way, the most visited Arsenal blog is called "Arse Blog" - come on - you love them too.

So, I went and bought a "kit" at the local soccer store. It is actually at the end of my street - this was meant to be. Then, in a bit of a drunken ebay impulse, I bid on a "Gunners" (Brits refer to Arsenal fans as "Gooners" - again, how could I resist?) scarf (for $0.99) and a brand new Gooners warm up jacket. Again, this is fate - I won them both. So come August 14, when my (and they are my team) Gunners take on the Liverpool Reds, I will be lined up at the Georgetown Pub wearing my kit, scarf, and jacket eager to meet some fellow "Gooners" and begin my journey to becoming a real footy fanatic.

Check in regularly for my outsider's (becoming insider) take on everything footy. If I can tell a bird by its song (refer to my last fleeting obsession: birdwatching) I can certainly figure out this offside business.

Goooooooaaaaaaaaalllllllllllll

From Coulter to Benedict

Okay, I've had it with this whole Coulter thing. You defend an asshole's right to speak and then get branded an asshole yourself. Listen sheep, if you develop the security to sit down and listen to someone with thoughts different than your own, give me a call.

I am a pro-choice, pro-same-sex-marriage atheist. I obviously think Ann Coulter's rhetoric is assenine. That is IF she actually believes the stuff she spews. However, a side of me wonders if she actually buys half of it herself and has just figured out a way to make $10000 every time she is scheduled to spout off. She reminds me of Howard Stern - I guarantee you off the air he is nothing like he is on it. Christ, Barbara Walters is one of his best friends (maybe she is a wild whore - who knows). Shock sells. I'll never know what goes through the mind of Coulter in private, but she has turned the radically right wing, offensive shit that comes out of her mouth into a nest egg, and for that I commend her. Simply put, defending free speech does not equate to agreeing with the contents of the speech.


Censorship is defined as "to examine in order to suppress or delete anything considered objectionable." For the head of a "respected" (and in the case of Ottawa U, I use that term loosely) university to write a letter to an invited speaker to inform her of what would be "tolerated" is, in fact, censorship. People are saying that because the government didn't stop her it isn't censorship. Censorship is not reserved for government use. The fact that her bodyguards made the decision to call it off may be true. However, had the provost of Ottawa U not sent the letter censoring her moronic speech, it would not have been made into such a big deal, and hence, there would likely not be a security threat. There were no issues at Western or Calgary. If you ask me, her subsequent comment that Ottawa U is "bush league" holds some merit. Once the head of university starts determining what speech will be tolerated in a bastion of "free thought", that university might as well close its doors.

As a person who enjoys to both read and (attempt to) write strong language, I will never agree with any form of censorship at any level. I have stated in writing many times my "hatred" for a variety of people, organizations, beliefs, and ideas. Once we start restricting this right in any way whatsoever we start a treck down a very slippery slope.

Thank you for your time and I hate the pope.

Good for You

Based on presale numbers, it would appear right wing hicks have learned to read. Going Rogue may prove to be Sarah Palin's platform for 2012, giving her the opportunity to claim that she has improved literacy numbers in the southern states dramatically. Ah neocons....you always find a way to rally the (m)asses.