So, Soccer......what's up with that?

So every nation north, south, east, and west of North America is blowing a vuvuzela right now. The game that everyone but us “New Worlds” calls football completely consumes this planet. And unlike Canadians' quad-annual interest in its impoverished biathletes, “the beautiful game” is the obsession of the globe’s 193 other nations every minute of every day of all three years between the incredible spectacle of World Cup. I have made the odd fleeting attempt to get into the game in the past but each time other interests stole my attention. However, I can’t say that it was because I didn’t enjoy the time I did spend watching soccer. It was just the wrong sport at the wrong time. But this time things will be different. I am going to “engage” in the frenzy - and I’m going to take you along for the ride. Because here’s the deal: I’m a self-proclaimed sports nut and how can a sports nut not know anything about the world's most "beautiful" sport? I can sit down and confidently carry my weight during any conversation about North America’s traditional sports. Basketball? Forget it, I’ll kick your ass. Hockey? I never played it but I listen to sports talk radio in Ottawa and let me just say they use the word “sports” in “sports talk” liberally. It's a hockey station – plain and simple. This includes 30 minutes of Pierre McGuire every morning from 8:00 – 8:30. Ironically my morning commute is 30 minutes starting at 8am. You get the point. Baseball? Got it covered. MMA? I don’t watch it regularly but I follow, and enjoy, the "sports opera" of it all. Football? I think the CFL is a joke and spend Monday nights at the local pub enjoying the theatre of the National Football (they don't even use their foot) League. Golf? It's simple: Tiger's a skank. NASCAR? Okay, I don't quite get this one but I don't believe in god and have attended university so cut me some slack.

Quite simply I love the field of competition and I think it's about time I include the world's most popular sport in my lexicon.

So what is my strategy to, at the age of 37, add footy to my ever growing list of sporting interests? Well, true to my nickname, "All or Nothing", I have taken a head-first plunge into all things soccer, ahem, football. Here goes:
1. Come Autumn, I have decided to identify Saturday mornings as my "daddy time" (defined as 3-4 hours where daddy gets to do whatever the hell he wants free of daddy-like commitments) when English Premier League starts. Yep, I will be sporting my team's colours (read on) and walking down to the local pub on Saturday mornings to meet some new friends and imerse myself in British football culture. I plan on going alone so as to be forced to strike up conversations with the fanatics that I see lined up there every Saturday morning wearing those tattered old soccer scarfs. Which leads me to....
2. I have chosen a team and bought the garb. Yep, my nickname is well deserved. Prior to watching a single match, I have decided that the Arsenal Gunners will be my team. What is this based on? Well, if I am to be honest, I have used a technique employed by women every March during NCAA March Madness office pools: I have chosen the team with the coolest name and "outfits" (referred to as "kits" for those of us who know anything about football). Yep, the Arsenal Gunners. Tell me that isn't the coolest name you have ever heard. And check out their logo:

A fucking canon. Love it. Oh, and by the way, the most visited Arsenal blog is called "Arse Blog" - come on - you love them too.

So, I went and bought a "kit" at the local soccer store. It is actually at the end of my street - this was meant to be. Then, in a bit of a drunken ebay impulse, I bid on a "Gunners" (Brits refer to Arsenal fans as "Gooners" - again, how could I resist?) scarf (for $0.99) and a brand new Gooners warm up jacket. Again, this is fate - I won them both. So come August 14, when my (and they are my team) Gunners take on the Liverpool Reds, I will be lined up at the Georgetown Pub wearing my kit, scarf, and jacket eager to meet some fellow "Gooners" and begin my journey to becoming a real footy fanatic.

Check in regularly for my outsider's (becoming insider) take on everything footy. If I can tell a bird by its song (refer to my last fleeting obsession: birdwatching) I can certainly figure out this offside business.

Goooooooaaaaaaaaalllllllllllll