Climate Change Hypocrisy

I'm not writing this post to defend the Conservative government's stance on climate change. In fact, as a conservative environmentalist (yes we do exist), I often find myself scratching my head at the environmental policy released from the Hill these days. I am, however, writing this to ask those left of center to reflect on two important facts (as released by the UN Framework Convention on Climate Change) that their leaders don't appear to have the courage to acknowledge.

Firstly, from 1990 to 2005 (every year of which was governed by a "Kyoto-supporting" Liberal Government) Canada's change in carbon emissions was an increase of 25.3% - hardly "green" by any definition. Secondly, the United States, while not a paragon of environmental policy, bettered Canada by almost ten percent on this same scale with a 16.3% increase in carbon emissions over that same span. I find this to be a very interesting statistic, as the U.S. is quite often the target of self-righteous, left leaning environmental activists who feel for some odd (and apparently inaccurate) reason that we stand on a higher morale rung.

So the next time you find yourself labelling Mr. Harper and his Conservative Government as "climate change-deniers" and "George Bush-lovers" make sure you follow that up by labelling Mr. Dion and his past Liberal Government as ineffective.

Damned if you Flip and Damned if you Flop

I am so tired of hearing about the political "flip flop." So tell me, it's better to be stubborn and stick to your failing plan than have the balls to say, "I clearly made a mistake and now it's time to right the ship"? Come on people – use your own brain and stop relying on the brains of the spin doctors. Every day of your personal life you reflect on past decisions. When in the same position again, you use this reflection to either make the same decision or, if it failed, make the opposite. We generally refer to this as being responsible. But not in the world of brainless political spin. We call this "flip-flopping."

It's time we let our politicians admit they are wrong, provided they tell us what their plan is to right that wrong. Don't penalize them by labelling them wishy-washy, terrifying them from making any gutsy decisions that may lead to their political demise. Next time you hear the phrase "flip flop" think of the last time you made the responsible decision to go down a different path. Did you look in the mirror and say, "you flip flopper"?

Who Cares About Space?

Why the hell do we send people to space? Have you noticed that, in the last ten years, space shuttle take-offs and landings get about as much air time as the cow in Nebraska who took in the stray kitten? Space is boring to us. Well that was until that psycho astronaut chick strapped on the diaper and drove 100 miles to go kill the other astronaut. But the only reason that was cool was because it had nothing to do with going to space. Let's face it, there isn't a snowball's chance on Mars that we are going to be able to do anything meaningful in space. We can't live up there, unless you are talking about that bucket-o-bolts space station. You tell me how exciting is the life of the poor bugger who has been up there for the past year? Just sitting there staring up into...well....space I guess. BBBOOORRRIIINNNGGG! If you ask me, the only reason we have a space station is so that we can keep sending up space shuttles to fix all the shit that goes wrong with it. Eliminate the space station and you eliminate the need for a space program.

I have an idea: Let's build a clay raft. We'll row it out into the middle of the Atlantic. We'll draw straws to see who is going to stay out and live on it. Then the rest of us will get picked up by a helicopter and head home to our families. Raft boy, just give us a shout whenever the raft starts to ooze and we'll all come back out in the helicopter to help you fix it. Government, we expect you to subsidize the "Clay Raft Program."

Really what's the difference? Let's face it: space is old. When astronauts start attempting to kill one another while wearing diapers their attention clearly is no longer on space. And I can't blame them.

Why?

I really hate my first post to be about this. But here is the deal....I'm at a coffee shop. I've got two new mothers sitting behind me, each with their newborn. I'm here to get a little work done. Wouldn't think of bothering anyone. I wear my headphones so no one has to hear my jazz. However, I can't imagine anyone would hate it as much as I am hating the sounds of these two children wailing at the top of their burgeoning new lungs. Add to that the fact that when I turned around to see what could possibly be causing these neonates so much distress I catch sight of a big milk-engorged tit.

THIS IS NOT THE PLACE FOR SCREAMING BABIES AND BARE MILKY BOOBS! I am so tired of this. If you want to get together to share new-mother stories and wip out your mams then one of you volunteer your living room. I can't hear myself think and now I can't get the visual of your massive TEAT out of my head.

Please....when will this end?